Ooh, Shiny!

I have written orc porn. Not just written it, but posted it on ff.n.

Well, to be perfectly honest, I'm not sure it's exactly porn. But it's definitely R shading into NC-17. So maybe I should be calling it orc erotica instead of porn. :-o

So why orcs? Why not swoony fics about how Aragorn or Legolas get laid for the sixteen-thousandth time by some Mary-Sue iteration? Frankly, that sort of thing bores me. I have a tendency to lock on to the bad guys, anyway. This would explain my early girlish fixation on Darth Vader (a fixation that has been completely, irrevocably destroyed by Hayden Christensen's whiny-boy interpretation of the nascent Dark Lord, but that's a rant for another time). So I've been pondering orcs for quite a while, ever since junior high, probably. It wasn't just that they got to run around and behave badly and use slang that the high-and-mighty members of the Fellowship wouldn't be caught dead uttering. Even my thirteen-year-old brain latched on to the potential for hotness -- I think I started one or two orc-fics back then but couldn't quite bring myself to put the words down on paper...even though I thought about the subject a good deal.

Fast-forward more years than I'd care to count, and here comes Peter Jackson's version. Now, before it came out I was doing the "Oh, God, please don't fuck it up" prayer along with just about every other LOTR fan I knew, but I was also really, really worried that Jackson and his production team wouldn't get the orcs right. For too many years I'd been irritated by the pig-faced caricatures shown in D&D manuals and other fantasy paraphernalia. Was I going to see some real orcs for once?

Well, my prayers were answered. Once Saruman pulled those Uruk-hai out of the muck beneath Orthanc, I was one happy camper. I mean, have you looked at Lurtz's ass? Fabulous, I assure you.

So I started thinking about writing a story about an Uruk-hai and a human woman once again, wondering how I could possibly set it up so that people would not run screaming into the night once they realized that these two were going to end up in bed (or on the floor, as it eventually worked out). I didn't want it to be the typical rape/conquest that you might see in an orc fic. I wanted these to be two characters who, even though they're wildly different, come together as equals. So far it seems to be working (I hope). Not that there's necessarily going to be a happy ending (I'm a big fan of the sad but not altogether hopeless conclusion). But at least this is one Uruk-hai who's being treated as a real person.

'Cause Uruk-hais need love, too! ;-)